


Hollowed

by Darkhymns



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 12:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16137614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: Lloyd would make sure to stay by her side, even when everyone said she was already gone.





	Hollowed

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I like tragic colloyd too.
> 
> May or may not have more chapters eventually.

It was Lloyd’s role to help make camp for the night.

He would find a place underneath the wide-branched trees, the moonlight seeping through the space between the leaves. He’d make sure to put out the campfire when it was time, stomping out the ash and in turn, the smoke. He’d roll out their sleeping packs, always making two, although one would remain virtually unwrinkled by morning. He’d feed Noishe when the dog-creature came back from his wanderings, scratching behind his ears, Lloyd brightly smiling as he did so.

Once all that was done, Lloyd would look forward, to where Colette stood, staring out into the night sky. The soft hue from her wings would paint the grass beneath her, making the stalks turn dark violet. Before he called out to her, he would always hesitate.

“Colette, we should go to bed now.”

But she’d been awake for the past three years.

Genis once told him it was hard to look at her face for very long. The flat plateau of red that gazed out from those eyes only made the heart slow. Time was meaningless for Colette, so anyone who looked at her felt that same meaningless reach out to them, leaving them stranded in silence and monotony.

Lloyd couldn’t really understand such a feeling. Why look away? Doing so would only leave Colette alone.

He watched her come to him, footsteps even, her hair barely lifted by the air. She was framed by her wings, which she rarely dismissed. As if the eyes were not enough of a reminder.

“There’s supposed to be a bunch of Exsphere traders to the south,” Lloyd told her, stretching out the blankets a bit more. The night was cold, so he kept his jacket buttoned around him tight. “Somewhere near Triet. Remember? I wonder if they have that old poster of me somewhere…”

Colette said nothing. Instead she knelt on the grass before him, her eyes fixated on his movements.

“I guess they’d have gotten rid of it by now.” He sat down as well, then tried to call Noishe over. But the dog fidgeted, scurrying back to the trees as much as possible. “We haven’t been there for a while…” He turned back to Colette to smile at her. “Kind of exciting, huh?”

Colette’s eyes were full of crimson and reflected starlight.

* * *

.

.

.

There were four moments when Lloyd felt the world around him falling away. And one where he decided against it.

The first was when she stepped away from him and said goodbye. After that, neither a failed necklace, an old dwarf’s failing hands, nor weakening hopes could change the inevitable. Colette’s soul was lost, and in her place was a marionette, motivated by the guidance of others and self-preservation written into her core.

It was enough to have her break Pronyma’s arms in two in that parallel world. Raine had explained that Colette’s basic instincts must have thought the woman was reaching out to strangle her. Her voice had been shaking just as much as Lloyd’s heart did, remembering the loud crack and the Grand Cardinal’s screams. It had even been enough to quiet down Zelos for a few hours.

In Sybak, Kratos had come to Lloyd alone. “You should leave it be.”

That was before, when hope still kindled in his chest. “Why? So you and Cruxis can take her?”

Lloyd’s hands had been on his sword hilts. Kratos made no similar motion. His face showed much of nothing, keeping him as unreadable as the day they first met. “Do not get your hopes up. Sometimes we lose something precious, and nothing can be done about it.”

In the hotel they stayed at, Colette would stare out the window, the light of her wings shining like a beacon, lost in fog.

* * *

The second was when a new face came to share the grief. Someone who had never known that Colette could still laugh after a brutal fall, or wave away certain greens from her dinner plate.

That face was Zelos, one that shared Colette’s status, if not her ultimate destiny. His nickname for her seemed more cruel than anything else. There was no need for reminders – her wings, always manifested, were enough. He once tried to sidle up to her, teeth wide in a grin, as he bestowed upon her a shower of compliments that made Lloyd’s head stir with static. Just before he could tell the other to cram it, Zelos walked ahead, eyes lowered, lips twisted with something that Lloyd hesitated to call a smile.

Then there came more. With Presea, the engulfing presence of silence, of walking death, was becoming harder to ignore. Yet even Presea would speak, no matter how hollow her throat was, and she took no offense to Genis holding her hand as they both traversed a fallen log in the Gaoracchia forest. Lloyd could only look to Colette, watching her avoid the obstacle with her wings, and his hands would clench.

Genis and Raine would speak of Colette, of who she used to be, to each new face that joined their quest. To explain away the loss of a friend is difficult, even more so when they were standing just behind your shoulder. Not that Lloyd would ever say she was lost – merely absent, sleeping, waiting for someone to wake her up. He listened to their explanations, and it never felt enough.

Regal was the only new face that spoke with him directly. “She means much to you, doesn’t she?”

They got the ore from the mine that night. Ideas flitted through Lloyd’s mind as he wondered how he could coax Colette to borrow her necklace. Or perhaps make a new one, one that was better, one that would actually work despite his lacking skills. “We’ll get her back.”

Regal seemed to know when to end conversations. He didn’t press on and instead said, “Thank you for helping Presea as well.”

“I have to save the people in front of me,” Lloyd answered him.

When did he become such a liar?

* * *

The third was at the Iselian Ranch, when Colette, the girl who sliced through Desians without remorse, did the unthinkable.

No one understood why she would put herself in harm’s way. Perhaps it was the bubbling of the world’s mana as Sheena prepared the cannon, messing with the crystal’s hold on her. Lloyd was as surprised as anyone that she rushed in front of Forcystus’ weapon, taking the brunt of his shot. His hands still ached from the strain of plunging his sword deep in the half-elf’s torso.

It was pure luck finding out about Colette’s sickness, the crystal eating up her skin. Raine theorized that perhaps this was her self-preservation at work, revealing her problem because she innately knew that they would do something about it. Lloyd had to bite his lip to keep from shouting at her, speaking of Colette as if she wasn’t right here with them. She wasn’t dead, no matter how much everyone else might have wished that.

Then Zelos made the mistake of speaking. “Well, least she ain’t really bothered by it.”

Genis was only successful in holding back Lloyd from throwing a second punch.

* * *

The fourth was back at the tower, further gone, and crueler than the last.

The only reason Lloyd knew anything about Martel was because of Colette. The stories she would tell him, learned from her Church lessons, the soft recitations of prayers he would hear her speak beneath her breath, and the awe in her eyes of knowing the benevolence of such a Goddess. It was only through Colette’s mouth that Martel ever seemed important.

He had fought his way through the tower, and then Colette stepped out of that small chamber, her wings vanished and her steps no longer so autonomous. Yggdrasill had been radiant, hands reaching out, draped in blinding light. Colette’s eyes squinted from the strain, her mouth shaped in an o. She pressed one hand against her chest, each motion of her so human and so real that Lloyd was ready to rush to her, to make sure that nothing of her left was still as rigid as steel.

Then when she spoke, a different voice left her throat.

After Yggdrasill vanished and Colette went back to being motionless, pink and violet sparkling from beyond her head, Lloyd hadn’t realized how much he had been crying since then.

* * *

The now single world moved on, but Colette never shifted.

Lloyd took her to his home once everything was done with. Kratos had been seated by the table, leg still aching. “What will you do now?” he asked his son.

Behind him, Lloyd could hear his dwarven father continue his metalsmithing, unmindful to the turbulence of the world for the past couple of days. His dedication to his commissions was almost to a fault. “Me and Colette will be gathering the Exspheres.”

Kratos’ impassivity broke slightly. He looked pained. Lloyd could hear the words waiting on the man’s breath. _She could join with me and the others, on Derris-Kharlan._

“Colette loved Sylvarant,” he said quickly. “I think she’d rather be here.”

When Raine and Genis visited later, they were a little more forceful.

“Lloyd, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” Genis sat at the same table, fingers tapping the surface. Colette was seated next to him, back straight, her gaze boring into the wall across from her. “You remember that fighting with her was always like walking on eggshells, right?”

Whenever someone got too close, especially as they swung a weapon, Colette would lash out. She could only stay back, summoning her spells, a wide berth of emptiness around her.

“She’s getting better,” Lloyd stated, carefully sheathing both his fathers’ swords. The pit of his stomach was cold. “She’s already more used to people now.”

“Wishful thinking,” Raine countered back. “Lloyd. You should come with us. You can still find Exspheres as we move along. What Colette needs now is an environment where she _won’t_ be challenged into her defensive measures at every possible opportunity.”

Lloyd’s voice grew hard. “She can’t go home.” He saw Frank and Phaidra’s faces. Their young daughter and granddaughter might as well have been dead to them. It’s easier when you thought of someone dead instead of suffering, he realized. “And I won’t have Kratos take her. What if she finally wakes up and she finds herself all alone with strangers?”

“I thought we explained this to you.” There was condescension in Raine’s voice that he hadn’t heard since he was in the classroom. “Her soul is highly likely to be gone now. There is no one left in there to wake. Come with us.”

He hated himself for being tempted.

Genis stood, making his way around the table to get near Lloyd’s side. “Seriously, Lloyd. We tried everything. Maybe just-”

He had to go around Colette to do so though.

His body had slightly brushed against her shoulder. She turned, fingers wrapped around the chakram’s blade, and wound her arm back to strike. Lloyd rushed on top of the table, tackling Colette to the ground before she could slice open Genis’ neck. Raine gathered her little brother in her arms, scuttling them both to the front door. Both were pale.

“Colette!” Lloyd kept his arms around her as he held her from behind, locking her shoulder. “It’s okay! It’s fine!”

“Lloyd, get away from her!” Raine frantically searched for her staff, which she had left standing outside the home.

“No! It’s alright! Colette!” He embraced her tightly, face buried in the back of her hair. She moved violently, smashing him near the stove. Pans and vases fell around them. “No one’s going to hurt you! I’m here, okay? No one will ever hurt you!”

Then she had stopped.

The sudden stillness was more frightening than her movements from before. Hands lowered, and she laid back against Lloyd’s chest, looking up at the ceiling. Broken pieces of crockery fell around them like the mistakes of a watercolor painting. Genis and Raine didn’t dare to move forward.

All the while, Lloyd relaxed his grip, then placed one hand against Colette’s head. His breath nearly choked him.

“Everything’s okay,” he told her, ignoring his friends, attention only on her.

He would not let Colette fall away to nothing.

* * *

.

.

.

No one argued with Lloyd when he took her with him.

The last night before they set out, Colette had stood by Lloyd’s side. She seemed to watch over his shoulder as he got their supplies ready, as he talked with her, voice as light as it used to be. Dirk, more silent than he had been in years, took the boy aside.

“I’ve fixed up the nicks in your swords. Fully reinforced. Not even another mad god can damage them.” The dwarf held out the materia swords to his son, their dancing colors of red and azure slipping through their sheaths.

“Thanks,” Lloyd said, reaching for it until Dirk placed a thick hand over his.

“You come back whenever you need to. You and Colette. Understand?”

Lloyd recognized this. The same worry that had passed over Kratos’ face the last time he saw him before leaving. Only difference was that Kratos hadn’t uttered these words, knowing that he could not promise Lloyd anything else but a memory.

He nodded at the dwarf, and took the swords. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

Lloyd wouldn’t leave Colette alone anymore.

So on that night they camped underneath the stars, Lloyd stayed beside her, reaching for her hand. It was cold, barely reacting to much at all. He kept his grip, intertwining their fingers together. If he kept looking up at the stars, he could imagine it was just like how they always used to be, back in Iselia. She would sit next to him on the grass, trying to match patterns in the sky, and she’d laugh while doing so.

But that’s what everyone did with Colette – look away, pretend she didn’t exist.

He turned to her, her gaze still hollow, but her hand never leaving his.

“Maybe I should have asked… if you wanted to come with me first.” A thumb rubbed against her palm, half-tracing words he was thinking. “Your family would still take care of you… and Kratos would, too. I guess he would know how to…” He paused, still looking at her. “But… I didn’t want that.”

The breeze had become sharp, the cold so deep that it made Lloyd shake. He reflexively reached for a blanket that he had folded up a bit messily, throwing it around both of their shoulders. Colette didn’t try to hunker down into it, and her side of the blanket kept slipping off her shoulder. The light of her wings slipped through the material, still hovering behind them, lighting up the grass in soft, dark hues.

“Ah, sorry,” he said, still looping the blanket on her until it finally stayed. “But I guess it wouldn’t –” he stopped himself before he could go on. He just kept the blankets on them both, bending his head slightly. He could see her eyes clearly, even in the night’s shadows. If he looked hard enough, then maybe.

Then maybe.

“I just wanted you to stay with me,” he said. So odd to just hear his voice and not hers. But she breathed. Just slightly, just barely. But she did, and she was alive. How could no one else see that? “I messed up everything, I didn’t protect you like I said… But I still want you to stay with me.”

If she had a voice, wouldn’t she say how she wanted to leave?

Only since that time he had calmed her down, had he ever been able to stay this close. Throughout most of the journey, there was only distance, because to get near was too risky. But every day, she walked beside him. And every night, she sat next to him, too. That had to have meant something.

This was around the time that he would go to sleep, and she would stay seated on the grass, her wings the last sight he would see before slumbering. But he didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to let go.

“I love you, Colette. I’m sorry I never said that earlier.” He leaned in just a bit more, forehead just barely touching hers. Her eyes stayed the same. “I’m sorry.”

Then she leaned forward, too.

It was only towards the crook of his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. Her eyes never blinked, or shift their gaze from always looking straight forward, but she had moved, her hair brushing his chin. Something tightened around his hand. It was her own.

It had all been so small. Every action of Colette’s was like that now, everything except when she fought against a threat. It was small, but it had felt so alive.

Lloyd wrapped his other arm around her back, keeping her close, the blanket shielding them from the cold. Tears left his eyes, falling against Colette’s cheek. She couldn’t cry anymore, so he would do it for the both of them.

Her hand stayed in his grip, still holding fast. She would stay, she would stay.


End file.
